In my calculus class, we took up curves and point of inflection. Defining it literally, the point of inflection is a part of the graph located between a concave up and concave down curve. (like in the middle of a letter S). These two different concavities belong in the same graph anyway, but different, like north and south poles in a sense. I’m writing this because my math teacher always failed (in a very few attempts) to compare graphical math with real life, and i feel stuck in my own point of inflection…

So there was this carnal thing that i want to get (it’s not entirely carnal, but thanks to prejudice and “rules of the right” it became one) and i’ve been working it out on all possible ways just to have the consent of having it. (it sucks to be 15) All were almost set, but i stil don’t have my consent, when i suddenly felt this eerie thing that seemed to divert me to another decision. I know, it came from deep inside me, because i don’t let people take hold of my feelings. Then i began to think a lot, my straight passion for it starting to be distorted. Then i decided to write this. The point of inflection i face.

When i say point of inflection, i define it not as a moment of peering truth, realization that leads to changing opinions or subduing of too much passion; but a moment of simply sliding away to another side of life, following the natural flow as they say, and not completely letting go of desires but simply concealing them deep inside. There are things in life that we want but simply cannot have, and for the sake of acceptance and other shallow matters like that we divert, we conform, but still hold the old desire in.

And like life, we have to live it all, we cannot choose which parts to live or not. There will always have to be ups and downs, victories and failures, confusion and fear. And a graph will right then and there have concavities and points of inflection, because it’s function has so.

Now after writing this i say, a 15 yo girl like me will not get a tattoo. Yeah right.

I think it’s quite an unworthy mention to say that Christmas is only four days ahead, because our culture begins the Christmas season as early as September. So for me, it was Christmas yesterday,last week and last month. I’ve been wrapped in this holiday since forever,and it’s truly hard to ignore Christmas air even if your family and your religious group doesn’t actually observe Christmas.

The way Christmas is defined seems to somewhat vary in most countries. For a very family oriented country like the Philippines, Christmas is the favorite holiday of all. Let me illustrate it in my perspective.

It’s Everywhere. Literally. Well you must suppose that that’s just normal. When i say everywhere, i don’t only mean variety stores and homes, but also street lights, new station i.d.’s, magazine articles, discount cards and radio.

Mere Fiesta in December. Foods, foods and foods. Nobody gets through the Christmas season with at least adding up three pounds. There’s the instant demand for lechon, ham and cheese, street treats like puto bumbong and more. There’s a special event called noche buena, a special moment of “chow time the night before christmas”.

Other traditions. Two important traditions:the carolling and Aguinaldo. Both goes around money matters. Carolling is going to homes of (mostly) strangers and singin out yuletide songs and demand coins.(much like treat or trick) the Aguinaldo is going to your aunts/uncles godparents’s homes and ask for Christmas money called “Aguinaldo”. If they’re kuripot they give you 1 00 below. Kids do this,sometimes with accompaniment of parents. But at any rate, the Aguinaldo just go to the children’s parents as they leave the house.

Booked Flights and crowded terminals. Truest. All trips are very full for people go back to their families from their work during this season. It’s not Christmas without the family together!

Therefore i can say, Christmas shines here more than just a holiday. It’s a time of love and giving and being together. Ciao!

/back/. Then they called out that the amazing race will be pushed through despite the drizzle outside. They changed to P.E. uniform and by then i was a bit bored. We proceeded to the mini gym. Kristine and i were not playing, and we were just going to take pics. But Ven pulled me and asked if i am willing to be a task guard. Sensing something which may turn “wicked”, i said yes. She gave me pieces of manila paper (supposed to be parts of puzzle map) and tokens. I walked to the hall she asked me, thinking of the direction she gave me. tell them to fill the benches with stuff. I waited, some were already sprinting all over the campus. It was getting cold and wet, i was still on my post. Then Gian and Reganne appeared, talking to me about my post. Then one team came to me and they did the lousy fill-the-bench task. Them Reganne said, yan lang?pahirapan mo sila ah..mag isip ka... A spark in my head flickered. I only look “matino”, but i’m really a princess of mischief. So i said, “What if they crawl under the benches? Fall in line and crawl under one bench then on the other, to three benches…” They laugh. I suggested three. They suggested five. Then the next unlucky team were jogging towards us. We made them fall in line under the light rain, then they crawled under the benches filling their clothes with mud. Reganne and Gian were laughing wickedly. So was i. They were especially laughing when Vincent did the crawling. After three more laughs-like-i’m-god, my post was over. I proceeded to the gym to meet Kristine, tell her what kind of hell the three of us did back at my post. I didn’t remember which team won. Soon the teams washed themselves and changed clothes, in time for the gift giving. Under our christmas tree was this pile, and the gifts were given out. I didn’t give many gifts, but received more than what i gave It was already one pm and there was no more time of our little Oscars. So it pretty much ended like that Wickedest party ever. Happy Christmas!!

I wake up with two major thoughts in my head: first, if my hair will have pretty locks after i take a shower, and, second, this Saturday is OFFICIALLY a part of a loong holiday vacation that will end next year. *hubba hubba

Now to make my last schoolday of 2009 a bit memorable (maybe in the future some of my classmates will read this one) let me tell you the stuff that happened.

It rained. And we only have until one pm to finish the “party”. Ven and i appeared at the same time, which was an hour and a half late *lol. However, it wasn’t a loss, because the party began thirty minutes after our arrival. According to my mates, the juniors are already partying like crazy while they were staring at thin air because the sound syst wasn’t even there. But the minute i arrived, i can tell it was pretty-everybody looked awesome with their clothes, rock music filled the air and the little decors and “red carpet” turned out to be cool. So after some picture moments and practically doing nothing (well some were planning if the Amazing Race game will push through) they set the foods we’ve donated in the long table. Buffet style, it was hard to push myself into the crowd, nothing different from the crowded cafeteria. Don’t worry, i’m used to it. Any filipino buffet is like that anyway. So i took my seat and silently ate, talkin with kristine every bit and now, when suddenly, i saw someone smudging cake frosting on the cheeks of people who were standing. Gladly i was sitting. Then after a while, the cheek smudging became hardcore and they were chasing one another in front of our hall (and also soaking themselves in the light rain) with cake frosting in the hair, whole face, clothes. I got one in my cheek but didn’t chase anyone. I was just laughing at them. Then someone took a bottle of soda, placed the thumb on the mouth of it, shook it hard, then made the soda spill out as if the bottle’s a hose of soda and we’re garden vegetables. In an insant, the room was a total mess. /next/

The Three Girls That Built the Lady Today

That Kid. When i was little, my parents kept me well and tried their best to raise me to become a good child. I think they never lacked the effort and were never irresponsible. Unlike most kids, i say that much of the world was hidden in my eyes. There were no kids to play with as well as games to play. In kinder, what i only understood is competition, comparison and contrast. I can’t tell if i was happy or lonely back then, because sad memories weigh as much as happy memories do. But as a kid, really, i don’t think if i even was once a “kid”

The Peering Girl. Ah yeah, it was tough. I just know when it ended or when it began, and i’m glad it’s over. I’m done being that left-brained introverted girl, the one who peers at the door to see what may come next. I remember that time when i crossed the line, felt lost in a sudden, sucked to a world my folks would say “don’t go there,”. And there was a moment of truth, of confession, of endless tears and failed hopes. I remember my suicide letters, diaries i’ve thought of burning, people i don’t want to be with, my wrist, the first curse i learned. I will never forget when i’d quarrel with dad more often than mom would, how many times he’s said that he’s disowning me. And i’ll look in the mirror thinking if that boy would ever look at me, that i will just fail everybody. I remember when i concluded that the world is just mean. Now there memories, can i ever take them positively? Maybe it was a little good, having a little taste of what more bitterness can come so the extreme won’t be so much. There’s a little “Peering Girl” in all of us we’ve never wanted to come, but deep behind us we won’t just admit that she shaped us to who we are now.

The Girl Now. The scars are still hidden within, but somehow the way i view this world has changed. I’m no longer afraid of talking to people, i’ve learned to tell myself “it’s not worth your tears”. Whoever those three are, i’m happy of it

Commitments bind promises, relationships, partnerships and whatever stuff that needs a “rope” to make sure it’s held on place. It’s a sort of keyless lock that can only be broken by force. But enough of the whole commitment intro and let’s get to the point: Aren’t commitments supposed to be fun?

Being honest about it, i say that commitments kill a relationship. It’s like tying the tail of a goldfish and locking it in an aquarium. Will that goldfish be as happy if it was just let on itself? My hypothesis is that the fish might commit suicide.

I understand that commitments make all go in a safe and sure way, that none will likely fall on the wrong side, but does this mean that trust is something commitment doesn’t trust? You can say you still trust that person while you are committed, but what sort of limit does that commitment fail to push through?

And finally, isn’t it sweeter if faithfulness doesn’t come out of guilt, but from the natural will and unconscious prohibition? And just when you see an invisible again between your wrist and the wrist of someone you’re supposed to sun freely with, does it kill everything?

Faithfulness need not come out of commitment, but should be out of that reason within…

Posted in Opinion ]]>