The Hopelessness of the Teenage Mind.

Alright. I’ll try to keep this one short.

Today, i woke up with that movie called The Notebook in my head…and heart. Last night i shed some teardrops over that, and who could blame me because it was the sweetest movie i’ve ever seen!

But unfortunately, the most impossible at the same time.

Before even getting out of my bed i posted on my FaceBook status, “I am aware that 80% of marriages don’t end up like fairytales, but i believe mine would one day.” Ladies and gentlemen i am fifteen, a college freshman to-be at UP this June, first born among three, meant to know the differences of realism and idealism, a member of a broken family. Yes, that’s all of me. As concise as could be. And for a gal like me, believing in fairytales’ association to marriages…i could be put up in auction. I’m truly one in a billion.

Back to my Facebook status post: I know my words, i write what’s on my mind AND heart. When i say fairytales i mean perfection: the kind of perfection everybody hopes for but does not believe in, because for them the risk of believing in something impossible overcomes the hope of witnessing a miracle. And the scale of miracle i’m talking about–just a beautiful marriage–is it miraculous that i live half of my life giving and receiving respect, love, cherish?

If you think i’m one of those hopelessly-minded teens, think again. And you might also get the whole hopelessly-mindedness stuff in your head. Just don’t think too much, or you’ll be likely to end up like me

I’ve Grown Up (i hope)

This afternoon, i finally found the guts to speak to that someone i was mentioning in the post below. Of course i did not cry anymore because the tears have already dried and i don’t want to appear immature. (which is, what i actually am)

There were so many things which had been cleared, really. We talked and i realized an important stuff: that i had just been dreaming all along and the reason why i had been mocking these days was just because someone woke me. And that someone woke me up because he didn’t want me to keep on dreaming and be officially detached from reality. Sweet, but i got it wrong and got angry with him.

Now all of the stuff has been cleared, and i can sleep now with peace. Not that nothing is ever clear on my mind, (i’ve accepted all the truths) but to stand there, looking at the person i hated so much in my personal writings, just to see him smile, just to get the guts to speak out my newly found serenity: i felt like it changed me eternally. I now think different. I now feel different. But after the talk, i felt like instead of growing up i became less learned. I mean, i really thought that my previous issue was the whole world, but it was just really a tiny misunderstanding. So there’s more reality prepared for me. This time, the real reality. God help me.

CLARIZA’S GM

I treasure this one…thank you iza. i hope you won’t disapprove me POSTING this here…
ladies and gentlemen, Clariza’s masterpiece…

08:31pm, Sat Jan 30 2010
.,wla na c TOGETHER pti c FOREVER, panu na c PROMISE, mauuwi nalang ba cla kay MEMORIES at GUDBYE? dito na ba papasok c HURT?kc umalis na c LOVE? iniwan nani YOU c ME. kaya wala na c RELATIONSHIP pti c KISS nd HUG naglaho na, c TEARS nalang ang natira. Kelan kya darating c MOVE ON? para naman mawala c LONELINESS at SADNESS. Nhihirapan na kc c HEART, namimis pa rin c US kht dumating na cla kay BREAK UP.

haha…
fan mu ako iza pag mahal mu di mo talaga i gi givu up. e anu ba magagawa ko ako ung iginive up.

GOODLUCK sau girl i love you friend!!!

Heart Split (ouch.that hurt.)

When i felt like a part of me was taken

by him, i just gave in to it and tried to

accept. But when i reckoned that love

changes people, i suddenly felt

nervous.
No, he can never take my

ability to write.
Assure me of that.

lol.

The cursor miraculously blinks for

ten seconds, sign of a writer’s block. I

asked myself if it’s my heart which writes,

or my brain, or my hand. Well i guess it’s

a fair teamwork of the three. I convinced

myself that i want to move on and i will

move on; that is because i have to move

on.

For a person who has never loved,

who has never had a fair share of being

punched in the heart, love to them may seem

like a foolishness that drives people to

insanity. I myself had thought of that, until

my heart spun out of control and i could

barely remember anything when i know that

i felt every detail of it. I had loved. I had

hurt. It all happened last week.

Not even a

few knows, but i was so certain that i

twittered last year about “falling in love”

as my expectation in 2010, this year. The

angels who grant wishes seemed to be

twittering, too, for that grant came to me

quickly. Just this January i spoke of love

with someone i’ve adored for two years. I

loved him purely and truly, no matter how

improper and how wrong it is. You see, he

had a girlfriend even then and now, and i

never minded that. At first we were just

friends but i couldn’t deny that i already

had feelings for him. The only restriction

was clear–he has a girlfriend from a

faraway place waiting for him, and the only

place for me is the friend’s place. Never did

i complain, never did i ask for more. But

since i was already blinded by loved, i truly

assumed that he loved me when he said that

he did. Of course that is never impossible.

One is still capable of loving despite being

committed. That’s what i assumed, or at the

very least thought. I loved him, too much

actually. I loved him enough to bear the

fact that he has the “official” girl and i’m

not that one.

Days passed with sweet i

love you’s in the text messages. I think it

lasted for about ten days only. But what

could’ve been more? A second is an hour to

a person in love. One Saturday, he didn’t

text me at all. I was lost. How and why

could this be happening? Then he said that i

have to forget him and we have to reset

our relationship to classmates only before

it’s too late. Too late? How can anything

be any too late? I have confessed and

offered my love to him and have thought

and bore in mind that he loved me back!

Could he still have saved my heart from any

pain? But why did he do that? He said that

he doesn’t want me to hope on him. But

when he said that he loved me, didn’t he

mean to make me hope (least think) that he

loves me?

Of course he did. He said that

he loved me. But he forgot to say

something: he loved me only as a

friend.

And that was so painful. I assumed

that he feels what i feel. But i was only

blinded by love. Blind enough to assume

something unreal. When he was trying to

“get off my grip”, i could barely accept, i

could barely let go. I even scratched my left

wrist with a razor blade. It took me a week

to at least understand and come to the

point of acceptance. I cried straight for two

days inside the classroom walls and i cried

myself to sleep. When i wake up at 2 am i

still cried. I cried infront of the eyes of

people who never saw me cry. They said it

was different for them for they’ve only

seen me as a happy person, almost winning

the categories for cutest person and smile

of the year. (guys, that’s what my source

told me.) There are no words to describe

the pain of a heartbreak. It’s not some kind

of problem like a lawsuit that one could

just deal with. It’s a problem that comes

from within: a problem by the self, from

the self and about the self.

So after

crying hard (now i understand the song

can’t cry hard enough) i got to accept it.

That we are only friends and not lovers. I

have to let go, we have to move on. And

here i am now.

When i recall it, i realize

some things. First, maybe i was just

hurrying to fall in love. Second, i still

don’t know how to tell if a person really

loves me, and third, i had been infatuated

with him before i learned to love

him.

Now i got some wounds to heal and

some scars to hide. I got to get myself

back to who i was. I didn’t try to turn my

back on the pain. I faced it with a brave

face because if i won’t face the most

difficult matter right now, then when will

i?

Now that i try to make my senses

work, i’ve convinced myself– he did not

take my writing ability. haha.

See ya guys,

and do wait for updates in this blog about

my UP Baguio adventures soon. Cheers to

ya’ll heartbroken people. Ciao!

I PASSED THE UPCAT

I PASSED THE UPCAT…
Last night, i got the news from my best friend and other classmates. I am one among the nine people in our class (8 baguio, 1 los baños) who were qualified for University of the Philippines. 24 of us took the test last August, and i must say i am proud about that because we have the most number of passing students in town!
So i must tell you how happy i am!

At first i was a little disappointed because my first choice was the Diliman campus opting for Psych. Baguio was only my second choice. Then i passed Baguio for BA Communication!! That was even more surprising cuz i cannot even seem to remember if i placed BA Communication in my form?? Oh well, i remember my final app form with correction fluid. haha But at all sides of it, i’m glad! CUZ I DIDN’T FLUNK! If i flunked, think of the shame:

Oh..our feature editor who wrote that article, “UPCAT: Dreams, Hopes and Adventures” flunked? FLUNKED? oh well..

So that saves me If necessary permissions, papers and stuffs have been cleared, i’ll be attending UP Baguio and hopefully finish BA Comm degree! And that grants me my ultimate wish to begin a blog titled “AKO AT SI OBLE” or my UP adventures..wehehe..

Wish me luck, peeps..i’ll be an official college kid on June 2010!

Mia Angela Dagsaan would like to congratulate my co-passers too..bff Kristine, Genieper, Monneth, Eymard, Frances, Hannah and Loreen..

And do check my other posts about the UPCAT! Ciao!

Blooper For A History Class

Before our teacher began discussing about the civilization of America, she first wrote on the board the other continents we’ve tackled before as well the bodies of water they originated from:

ASIA- river
EUROPE- sea
Then came, AMERICA-mountains.

The discussion gets set, and she asks us, “Which civilization is–as you observe–by far the most progressive nowadays?”

I said Europe, some said America. But somehow we all agreed on one thing– it’s not really Asia.

She asked us, Does it seem ironical? Asia has the earliest civilizations so to say, but why do America and Europe seem to be more progressive than Asia right now? What is in Europe and America, that is not in Asia?

Then a student at the back said, “THE LETTER E!”

But my teacher still continued, …what should we change in Asia, to cope up with Europe and America?

The student at my back said, “CHANGE IT’S SPELLING!”

“AESIA”.

I just can’t stop laughing. I’m a front-seater, and as i hope that atomic bombs won’t fall in our country, i hope that the teacher won’t notice me…or us.

Note: i am not after the idea that Asia is incomparable with Europe and America. As an Asian, i believe that we are rich in our own way, and so are America and Europe. But i really like this blooper!